Please Please Please Dont judge me from this post!!
I need to write and blow off some steam....what perfect place to do it then on a blog where other mothers can give me some feedback and advice!!
Warning......I am going to sound very selfish in this post!!!
So for those of you that do not know me personally this may be new to you for those of you that do know me personally please bear with me!!
I am 24 years old and a mother to a wonderful babygirl Alyssa she is 2 years old!!
I turned 22 just 2 weeks before I gave birth to Alyssa!
Here father Adam & I were together for a long time but during my pregnancy we broke up and got back together broke up then got back together it was so unstable then once Alyssa got here it was not any better he lost his job I wasnt working it was a total trainwreck!!!
He was still in the mind set that he could do whatever he wanted and I was not okay with that so one day I packed everything up and moved in with my mother!! Alyssa was 3 weeks old!!
I still live with my mom!
So this past week has been a rough week on me very challenging in multiple ways!!! I have been very irritable and angry towards a lot of people that did not deserve it.
This is were I become selfish!!!
I had made plans both Friday & Saturday nothing big just hanging out with friends.....dinner ya know normal things!!
Well Alyssa has a temperature!! She has had a temperature since Friday morning!
Fluctuating from 101.3 99.7 101.5 100 just so on and off and for no reason she is eating as normal playng as normal a little bit fussy here and there but overall pretty normal!!
A couple times she had woken up in the middle of the night super sweaty/clamy where I would touch her and could just tell she had a fever her skin was burning hot!!! So I gave her medicine.....the meds worked to reduce her fever but it just kept coming back!
So I had to cancel my plans for Friday & Saturday!!!
Ugh!! This is so frustrating!! I just want to be able to go out to eat with some girlfriends and catch up.......or go swimming with my friend and her nieces....do a cute little slumber party girls night thing.....I want to be able to go over to friends' house and just hang out but I cant because I am a young mother!! I have a baby daddy that is not here to help out with his kid!! Plus she has a fever!!
Which is completely understandable please dont get the wrong impression I totally get why I had to cancel my plans its not worth putting others and there children in danger of catching whatever she may or may not have!! Its still frustrating none the less!
Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and things might be different I never regret having Alyssa just the outcome of how things are now!
I mean a lot of my friends are married or living with there childs father....How did I miss that memo!?! How was I soo blind?!?
I enjoy looking at Alyssa and seeing her bright blue eyes and her cute button nose but sometimes I just get soo frustrated at my life!! The responsibilities of being a parent are so overwhelming!
Especially because Im so young its hard....I want to be able to do all this stuff but I cant!
I guess if parenting was so easy everybody would be doing it!!!
Please give me some feedback....
I am in desperate need of advice.....please comment!!
First let me say that I FEEL THE SAME WAY AT TIME and I'm in an ideal situation. Parenting SUCKS a lot of the time. Even with a partner here to talk to, I've done a lot of the parenting on my own and there were times I felt like a single parent in a marriage. We have grown though. Parenting is a growing process. A process of healing as well. You are healing from how you feel you were wronged as a child in your own child/parent relationship (we ALL have them), healing from how you feel robbed of your young adulthood and healing is constant as you mess up as a parent and feel completely inferior/like you're doing it all wrong. My best advice is to always keep your heart open to Christ and the Holy Spirit as they will guide you, heal you and teach you. Ask Him to mold you into the mother He wants for Alyssa, and to always help you remember that you are TOO WEAK to do it without His help and constant affirmation. And I am SO sorry my brother is such a douche. Yes, I said it. Deadbeat Dads suck. You are doing a great job so far as I can see, and you are blessed. You are the PERFECT Mom for Alyssa - totally chosen for her. Have your pity party, fall on your knees to spill your heart before the Lord and be filled with Hid power to do all that you need to do. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
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Christy!! Thank you so much you are so supportive & encouraging and its ok Adam is who he is!! All I can do now is be the best mom I can be which I wouldnt have been able to do it without the awesome friends & family I have!! Thank you soo much!! Love you!!!
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