Monday, September 10, 2012

Living A Life Thats Not Mine

Sometimes I wake up and wonder what am I doing!! As all you know Alyssa's father Adam is not in the picture! He would say it was my choice and doing but I would say it was his!

Either way he is not here leaving me to be a single mother to our wonderful angel Alyssa!

With him not being here it puts me in a situation that I never wanted for myself or Alyssa

Therefore I am forced to live a life that I didnt want!

Im stuck living a life thats not mine

Although this is both negative and positive sometimes its hard to think about the positive!!

When Alyssas not listening and shes running around the house like a crazy child and honestly I just want to run away I am more angry towards Adam...

Why arent you here taking care of your child? How come you get let off free of responsibility? Why am I here doing all of this alone??

I could easily take him back and he would be here but then again that is a whole other life that I dont want to live!

When Alyssa looks up at me and says Wove You Mommy!! It brings tears to my eyes to know that this child is actually mine!! She grew from inside my belly for 9 months! I was in labor for 10hrs! I gave birth to this beautiful child! She is mine!!
What a marvelous mystery!!

I am somewhat thankful that I am a single mother! There are no shared responsibilities no arguing over punishment or discipline! I am raising my child how I want to! I am growing an unbreakable bond with my child!! I am her only parent!!

When Alyssa gets older I would only hope that she would look back at these hard times and thank me for being the best mother I know how to be and not allowing myself to take the easy way out!!

I am strong for her and because of her!! I am a MOM!!

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