Letter To My Little Darling

Alyssa,

First off I want to tell you that I was always Anti-Child. I never really wanted children before! The day that I found out that I was pregnant I literally cried with fear...How am I going to do this?
I thought this question very often as my belly kept getting bigger and bigger!

I was always so nervous about what was going on with my body! Days that I would just feel kinda off I was always nervous something was wrong I felt as if I was in and out of the hospital every couple weeks! I didn't know what I was doing! Now I realize that in that part of my life I was already being a mother to you! I wanted what was best for you I wanted to take care of you!!

Every time I felt you move inside me I got butterflies! I remember one night I was laying in bed and you were so crazy inside my belly I couldn't even sleep you were moving and kicking around like there was a party going on! I always knew if you were moving that you were there and okay....it was when you were still I began to worry sometimes I would just move around or jiggle my belly just to feel you move inside me! The second I felt you move I sighed with relief!

When I went into labor with you I was so anxious and worried! I was feeling things in my body that I couldn't even explain all I did was lean over holding my belly and cry! When will this pain be over? When will I finally meet my little darling?

Well 10hrs later I delivered you and as I strained my last push I felt such relief as my midwife held you up! I cried not even realizing why I was crying! Such joy poured over my body I was so full of emotions that I had never had before!

The first time I held you in my arms I didnt even believe that it was real life! Could this be true? Did this really just happen? I was speechless and amazed! You were so small and soft your scent was perfection I just held you and kissed your head! You were perfect!

As I sit here and think about this day it seems as if everyday since then has been such a blur! Time is going by so fast I need to run to catch up! You are 28mths old! Were has the time gone? How did you get so big?

You are so big and smart and very independent!! You wake me up every morning with a smile on your face! "Hi Mommy" you say to me every morning as you crawl up in my bed and wrap your arms around me! How on Earth did I get so lucky? Why is it that you are so good to me?

I feel as if I do not deserve you at times! You are so forgiving of my many mistakes! You love me unconditionally!! I honestly am the happiest and luckiest person in the world!! Your curly hair and your big blue eyes!! The way you look up at me as if I didnt just see you steal a cookie from the countertop!! You are just the most amazing little darling ever!!

At times I stand in the hallway and just listen to you laying in bed praying! I hear your sweet little voice speak and it just moves me to tears!

I hope that you know how much I love you!

I cant wait to watch you grow as you get older and wiser! I cant wait to see what God has planned for you! What kind of person you will become! You are so gracious and loving! You will be such an amazing wife and mother!

I am so proud to be your mommy and I feel so blessed to have you as my daughter! I love you!


Forever Yours & Forever Mine

Mommy